3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize