I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
