I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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