Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
