a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
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the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize