One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
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Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
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you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just want to make out with him forever
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