I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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