I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
