Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
