so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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