Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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