He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You were trust falling into bushes
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
