your parents love me but you hate me
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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