i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
