i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
