It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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