Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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