plz talk dirty to me
I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
