I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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