I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
