We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
