apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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