So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize