I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
