you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
