today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
