did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
