sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
