Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
