DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
