Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
