Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
