How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
