Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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