We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
