Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
