I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
