so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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