my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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