Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
