no, he came in my armpit
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
