Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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