Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
