Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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