tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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