This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
