My balls are so social today.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
