he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
