you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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