How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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