i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
