you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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