So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
