Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
