My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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