You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
