was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
