The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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