Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
